Santa Monica has recently been victimized by a rodent infestation. But enough about SMRR….

Participating in the 31st annual Halibut Derby in the Santa Monica Bay, twelve-year-old Ryan Lambert reeled in a thirty-six pound fish. It was the best catch in the Lambert family since Ryan’s uncle, Carl, married Francyne Shapiro Faraone.

Three attorneys represented Santa Monica on a contingency basis and won a settlement of $120 million plus a new water treatment plant only to have the city disavow their agreement. The City would have paid them anything they wanted had the attorneys merely called themselves consultants.

Mehrdad Lari was arrested at his home in the 300 block of 11th Street for possession with intent to distribute opium. Police say it’s a big win in the war on drugs. We realtors say it’s just another listing lead.

A group has formed to explore the possibilities of Venice becoming its own city. An unlikely opposition group of Cable TV viewers has already formed. A spokesman for the opposition group says, “What we don’t need is another set of City Council meetings polluting the airways.”

Greyhound Bus Lines has terminated service to Santa Monica. A company spokesman could have explained, “With Santa Monica Rent Control, tenants can afford Mercedes, so who needs a bus.”

Santa Monica is searching for a new planning director. Candidates for the position face a bad news, good news situation. The bad news is that the job involves overhauling and implementing an encyclopedic set of the rules and regulations that affect development and transportation throughout the city. The good news is that, in reality, all the planning director has to do, is exactly what SMRR says.

The Bayside District, which manages downtown Santa Monica in connection with City Hall, is considering hiring Concierges to visitors. If the program is approved a conversation like the following may occur between a Concierge and a homeless person, “Sir, I have booked the sidewalk in front of the 7-11 store for you on May 25th. If you cannot keep the reservation please call our 800 number 24 hours in advance to cancel, and, thank you for panhandling in Santa Monica.”

Amid much fanfare, the contents of dolphin statues in the Third St. Promenade were emptied recently. The statues are contribution vehicles designed to afford visitors an alternative to giving money directly to panhandlers. $1700 in coins and an unknown amount of cash was collected. The money is counted every ninety days. According to my math, that amounts to 78 cents in change collected per hour. Asked to comment on the donation rate, a local homeless advocate said, “I think I need a drink.”

Some actions by the City of Santa Monica are head-scratches; like the $79,200 approved for design services to prepare for the demolition of the former police building. How much should it cost to simply say, “See that building? Tear it down.”

A recent study concluded that Californians are eating more, exercising less and getting fatter. The report was released April 5 to members of the media at a press conference where reporters enjoyed a Shakey’s Bunch-a-Lunch buffet.

A teenager known to Santa Monica gang members as “Lil Rooster” has been charged with the murder of Jalonie Carter. The attorney for the accused claims he is innocent saying, “He would never kill anyone, he’s too chicken.”