Asked what initially attracted him to Teresa Heinz, John Kerry said he really liked her figures.

Part of me would like to see Ralph Nader win an election sometime just to see if he can actually smile.

The Clinton Library has opened in Arkansas. The architect said that the ex-president wanted something that was well-stacked.

This is the only Presidential library with a PG rating.

There will probably be special emphasis on women’s studies.

Corporate funding for the library was provided by Pfizer, Eli Lily, and Glaxo SmithKlein: the makers respectively of Viagra, Cialis and Levitra.

People who leave government positions always say they are looking forward to spending more time with their families. When, elected, however, politicians never say they are looking forward to spending less time at home.

Bobby Shriver showed that all it takes to get elected in Santa Monica without the SMRR endorsement is to be a political icon. Could someone please sell a house here to Michael Reagan?

Santa Monica may have been the inspiration for the person who defined politics as show business for ugly people; then along comes Bobby Shriver to spoil the stereotype.

Attention Santa Monica Historical Society: Get a clipping from Bobby Shriver’s hedge for your museum. It may be the most politically important plant since marijuana.

Any truth to the rumor that Eunice Shriver will start a Santa Monica Homeless Olympics? Events could include the 100-yard shopping cart dash and the “Will Work for Food” poster competition.

The case of a string of residential burglaries was cracked recently when a police blood hound tracked the smell from an article of clothing left at a crime scene to a homeless man residing at the Claire Foundation. It was probably the easiest job the K-9 ever had.

Santa Monica College’s unpopular president Piedad F. Robertson has resigned her position to head a Denver-based think tank. She might begin by thinking about how to better get along with people.

Mrs. Robertson will retain her Santa Monica home where her husband Bill Robertson will reside. She did not say if she was looking forward to spending less time with her family.

Accurate Funding, a loan brokerage firm, is running radio ads that claim their business is based on referrals. Just wondering… if so, why are they advertising?

The local parents group, Community for Excellent Public Schools (CEPS) endorsed eight candidates for the four open City Council seats. I guess it isn’t just the kids today who have trouble with math.

During the election, city workers were dispatched to remove political signs from city-owned property. Campaign placards can only legally be displayed on private property. Encroachment of the public right of way in Santa Monica is reserved exclusively for the homeless.

Owners of Santa Monica Place are proposing to the city that it be demolished and be replaced with three 21-story condo, apartment, and office towers. Can you say, “Dead on arrival”?

Maybe the owners are a bit Machiavellian and figure that when all the outrage settles, the City can allow them 3 ten-story buildings and everyone will be happy.